You hear that pop, Ed? Uh-huh.
That's my maximum clubhead speed.
That's where I wanna make contact with the ball.
I build that into my muscle memory...
five minutes a day, every day.
The Soundstroke people say I can shave three to five strokes off my handicap.
Not bad!
A dentist named Silvera down in LA invented this beauty.
Shows that our lesser brethren in the medical hierarchy...
can do a little more than pull teeth.
Okay. Shoulder in, head down.
Whammo!
Set me up again, Ed. Let's go.
Ed?
Sorry, Dr. Fleischman. I was thinking.
I mean, look at this instrument.
It's such an incredibly simple idea...
but it's so elegant, so brilliant, so right.
It's just what the game needed.
I mean, think what this could do for tennis...
or hockey, or the shot put.
Sometimes I'll think of an idea for a movie...
then I don't know what happens. Then it just seems dumb.
I've been blocked before.
I might just have to go fishing or something.
Okay.
Okay, okay. Set me up again, Ed.
Cock-a-doodle-doo-hoo! Rise and shine, Cicely.
It's me in the morning.
I'm looking down Main Street...
and you cannot believe what I'm seeing.
It looks like one hand clapping.
And here comes my favorite childhood toy, old Slinky, but in king size.
This is good, this is very good.
This is the parallel universe.
You know, the one where toasters talk and Slurpee straws walk.
It's Alice in Wonderland, you know?
The other side of Roger Rabbit.
Only this is no cartoon, okay? I'm not making this up.
Got a flyer here that says it's Enrico Bellati and his New Perception Players.
They welcome one and all to an evening of awe and expectation...
at People's Park, next to The Brick.
Be there, or your teapot may never speak to you again.
Hey! Howdy, guys!
Bob. What are you doing here?
You look shorter.
What happened to your foot?
Bad landing?
Can you fly?
Too bad.
Me?
Well, yeah, I thought about you.
A lot?
I don't know. Some.
Who's your friend?
Fritz? Hi, Fritz.
Hi, Bernie. Hi, Hans.
What's the deal?
You quit the circus? How come?
It's good to have creative control.
Do you guys want some iced tea?
Okay. Come on.
Okay, folks, one pitcher of light...
two jumbo mugs.
Oh!
No problemo.
There you go, Mr. Blockhead. Looking real hunky.
It's kimchi.
It's Korean cabbage.
Smells like an old pair of gym shoes.
Hey, Maurice.
Kimchi? Where'd you get that?
Duk Won.
In a jar, all the way from Korea?
Yeah. He made it.
Says here...
he's had it buried in the yard for four months.
"Father, I think of week...
"with strong, handsome father, USA astronaut.
"My heart pitter-patter for you, Daddy.
"So with most love and proud, your warm son, Duk Won. "
That's sweet. Yeah, I suppose so.
What, you don't like kimchi?
I love kimchi. That's why he sent it.
Oh.
Who asked him to send me presents?
Who asked him to write me notes?
Do I have to be reminded that he's of my own flesh and blood?
He was just thinking of you, Maurice.
Well, he's thinking too loud. He's crowding me.
I was gonna get to it, but then the audit, and the rains...
Get to what?
Changing my will. What else? Oh.
Look, after I get the quarterly taxes done...
I'm gonna fly down to Tulsa, pow-wow with the suits...
and give the boy his due.
So you're going to put Duk Won in your will.
Are we having the same conversation here?
Well, I think that's really nice, Maurice.
Nice? It's not nice, it's expected.
The boy is my heir...
even though he is nipping around for his cut.
The fact is, I hate giving my stuff away...
even if I am worm bait.
And I hate being reminded of that eventuality.
What the hell?
I'll just go ahead and get it over with...
and wait for the next catastrophe.
When I start trying to think of a good movie idea...
it's like there's this big clump of weeds just strangling my brain.
I know how you feel, Ed. I had the same problem once.
You had director's block, Dave?
No, at the grill. I lost my rhythm.
I couldn't get the burgers out with the fries.
Broke all my yolks.
I felt like I'd never cook again.
It could happen to anybody. Look at Connie Colbert.
Well, who's that?
Rookie right-hander for the Phillies.
Won 11 games, bonus baby.
Came back the next year, couldn't even find the plate.
Really?
He had his eyes examined.
Took him to some big orthopedist in LA.
Even took him to a head-shrinker.
What happened to him?
He went into sales.
Oh.
Pete here was blocked in bed.
Blocked?
Yeah. Thought about my performance too much.
But time passed, and I got looser.
You'll work through it, Ed.
Oh, I got one!
Looks like a big one, Ed!
Set the hook. Don't let him swallow it.
He's running for that rock. I see him right over there.
Bring him this way.
All right, Ed!
Hey, he's a big one!
Nice fish.
Hello? Anybody home?
Maggie, you're out late.
Well, yes. I have your books on tape...
and I was going to drop them by tomorrow...
but then I thought, "Well, you might like them tonight. " So here they are.
Oh, thanks. If you could just, you know, put them in the detox box, and...
Well, come on in, if you'd like. Okay.
Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Oh, no. I was just doing some charting.
Really?
Jet stream?
No. Desertification.
I'm tracing the effects of deforestation on the ecosystem.
Oh.
Look. Here. Nigeria.
It'll be completely denuded of trees by 2000 AD.
And over here, in Ethiopia...
they're losing over a billion tons of topsoil per year to over-cultivation.
A billion tons of topsoil?
The greenhouse effect. Global warming.
The earth is cooking itself.
Could bring on the next ice age.
Really? Oh, yeah, absolutely.
And what's anybody doing about it? Well, I'll tell you what.
The EPA has just pushed back automobile emission standards...
another five years.
Nobody's even factoring in jet aircraft.
They're dumping over 50 million tons of CO2...
into the stratosphere every year.
Wow.
Prime greenhouse gas.
Do you know what that does to the ozone?
Destroys it?
Exactly.
They could at least spring for liquid hydrogen.
Leave a water vapor trail, right?
You know, I really don't know how you do it.
This constant barrage of bad news would drive me crazy.
Well, what else am I going to do?
Play Scrabble. Do a jigsaw puzzle.
Right.
Do you know there is a $50-million class action suit in El Paso?
This big chemical company wants to dump their toxic byproducts...
10 miles from city center. Ten miles.
Listen, do you want a little apple-beet juice or a glass of distilled?
Beet juice.
Good choice.
So what'd you use for bait, Ed?
Dave made this stink bait...
out of cheese whey and anchovies.
It works every time.
My goodness, isn't he a beauty? Yeah.
I like them like that. Poached, with their eyes up.
Yep, like Richard Burton in Night Of The Iguana.
The fish? The movie.
Oh. He gives up the ministry...
goes to Mexico, and drinks himself to death.
I think that's all there is left for me, Ruth-Anne.
Oh, come on, Ed.
You've just hit a snag.
All artists have their ups and downs where inspiration is concerned.
Napkins?
Under the film cans. Oh.
I don't know. It's all over for me.
I'm just fresh out of ideas.
Ed, don't you think you're giving in a little too soon?
It may be hard, and you may feel lost...
but you've got to hang in there.
Give it a chance.
You never can tell when the muse is going to strike.
What is it?
Did you lose a filling, or hit a nerve?
It's a ring.
A ring? Let's see.
It was in the fish.
My heavens. It's big.
Well, it was a big fish.
Handsome ring. Stone looks to me like a ruby.
See if there's an inscription in it.
I can't see diddly without my glasses.
There is.
Ah!
It says, "F.F.
"Con amore, Giulietta. "
Con amore? Italian, isn't it?
Yes, ma'am. It means "with love. "
Well, well, well.
Imagine finding something like that in a fish.
Must be your lucky day.
And the American Film Institute Lifetime Achievement Award...
goes to a director...
whose films have revolutionized not only Italian cinema...
but the world's cinema.
Distinguished colleagues, ladies and gentlemen, Ed Chigliak.
Me?
Thanks, Federico. Steven.
Wow.
Thank you.
Wow. Thank you.
I would have thought I'd have been a little too young for this one.
Lifetime Achievement Award.
You'd think they'd give it to one of the old guys.
Well, it really wouldn't be fair if I didn't thank everyone...
who came before me. Francis.
Steven. Federico. Marty. Lina.
I'm nothing without you guys.
I'm less than nothing. I'm dirt. Well, bugs.
I'd like to thank everyone in Cicely.
That's where I'm from.
We all come from the place we're from...
and, well, we really can't be from anywhere else...
and that's where I'm from.
Well, that's the cold Cicely, not the hot one...
where Michael Corleone loses Apollonia in the big car explosion.
Well, I guess that's it. As we Cicelians like to say...
Ciao.
Marilyn. Unbelievable.
200-yard five iron with the Soundstroke.
That's almost PGA.
What is that?
Flo. Flo?
Flo. Flo? That's Flo?
What's Flo doing here?
While we're at it, what exactly is Flo?
A plumbing fixture? A Slinky?
She's sick.
Sick? What kind of sick?
Earache.
Of course. And you, sir? Mr...
Bellati. Right. What can I do for you?
Check his foot.
Well, this I can handle.
Come on in, Mr. Bellati.
To tell you the truth, Mr. Bellati, about the cast...
I'd feel a little more comfortable if we waited...
just a few more days before we took it off.
Give the bones maximum term to heal, you know?
Especially considering the nature of your work, being a flying man.
One who flies, I mean. Wouldn't it be somewhat of an occupational hazard...
to be up there in the stratosphere...
knowing you have a crack in your landing gear?
Wait, hold on.
It's just, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.
Last time you were here, we discussed your inability to speak.
You said that you weren't deaf...
and there was nothing wrong with your voice.
No history of trauma? Injury? Nothing congenital?
You just don't talk.
That's interesting. You can whistle.
Look, I'd like to do a work-up on you.
I had a real talent for ENT at Mount Sinai.
We could take a look, and maybe we'll get to the root of your problem.
Get you talking again.
Terrific. See, it won't take long. We'll just...
We'll get a few cultures, maybe stick a scope down there.
Could just be a polyp, you know?
What?
They need Bob.
They need Bob?
Rehearsal.
Yeah, later. Fine. Great. I'll look forward to it.
How you doing, Mike? Good.
How's the space suit treating you?
Fine.
Well, it sure saved my tail at zero G's.
Be careful, would you, and try to keep the dirt out of the little zippers.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
So, what's up, guys?
Well, Mike, Maurice's son, Duk Won...
Duk Won?
That's right. He's Korean.
Yeah, he sent Maurice some kimchi and a lovely note.
Well, anyway, Maurice would like to have his will changed.
Maggie tells me you had a practice in St. Paul.
Litigation, mostly.
Well, I'll tell you, Mike, this is not some two-pager...
who gets the piano and the St. Bernard.
You got real estate, mineral rights...
foreign currency, bonds. That sort of thing.
Think you can handle that?
Maurice, Mike sued the State of Florida and won.
Hospital malpractice. Routine.
Is that a fact?
Well, I guess we need to talk about fees, huh?
Hold on, Maurice.
Listen, I'd love to do the work for you, don't get me wrong.
There's nothing I'd like better than to get my hands on some probate...
but I'm gonna pass. Sorry, I just can't help on this one.
Mike. Mike, come on.
I mean, look, Maurice needs his will changed...
and you're the only lawyer in town.
And besides, Mike, I thought that, you know, it could keep you busy.
Maybe take your mind off, you know, things.
I can't handle that much exposure to paper.
With the gloves and the suit...
the whole process just gets way too cumbersome.
I could type.
I mean, I'm not very good at shorthand, but I could write fast.
I could help.
Well...
What do you want, Mike? A retainer?
Or are you one of these hourly people?
Hello, blockheads.
Federico?
You're here?
Ed?
Fellini.
What?
It's Federico Fellini.
Oh. You want some lunch?
Yeah, a...
A small chocolate milk.
One brown milk.
Now, in the event that Duk Won should expire...
for any reason in the first calendar year...
after the dispersal of my estate...
the whole shooting match will revert...
to the Minnifield Library and Museum.
Okay, so that would be under...
Section 4.
Got it. Section 4.
You're probably wondering why I'm only cutting the boy in for 25%.
Well, I've wrestled with that...
and I've come to the conclusion...
that I can't afford to bleed off any more reserves from the Minnifield Library.
Maurice, $17 million is still a lot of money in anybody's book.
Oh. Goody. That's lunch. Just a minute.
Yeah, that's a few greenbacks, all right.
Enough to keep the boy in shoelaces and sake.
But you know what really galls my stones, Mike?
It's that 45% estate tax that I've got to pay for Duk Won's inheritance.
That just burns me up.
Here we go!
Maurice, have you thought about setting up a trust fund for Duk Won?
That way you wouldn't have to pay any tax.
That's not a bad idea, Mike.
And I do like the idea of keeping my principal intact.
Mike was ninth in his class at Chicago. He made the Law Review.
Really? Kelp loaf?
Huh?
Ground kelp. It's a sea protein.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I take my protein on the hoof.
Animal meat?
Laden with chemicals, Maurice. It poisons the earth.
Hmm?
Do you realize how much methane is produced...
by the cattle interests in this country?
50,000 metric tons a day.
One more silly gas just fouling up the air.
Well, if you say so.
Oh, it doesn't smell half bad, Mike.
Maggie made it.
Maggie? Yeah.
Well... You don't cook.
Well, no, I don't cook-cook, but I bake.
I bake all the time, Maurice. Muffins, mainly.
Bran muffins, corn muffins, all kinds of muffins.
Would you like some more plum juice?
Yeah, thanks.
I'll get you another glass.
Hi, Bob.
Gorgonzola. You remembered.
Just a little. I have to go back to work.
Uh-oh.
You wanna get back together?
No.
I know we click.
Yes, we were good dance partners.
We like the same books.
I can't go back, Bob.
Or forward.
My home is here.
My job is here.
It won't work.
Banana?
Oh, will you look at that?
I don't suppose you guys play, do you?
See this thing? A dentist invented it. A genius.
He also invented an ionophoresis toothbrush.
Shoots fluoride into the teeth with positive ions.
But this is his masterpiece.
Centrifugal force meets weight shift.
It's the answer to my 200-yard dreams.
Hey, Ed. How's it going?
Hello, Dr. Fleischman.
Back in the saddle, huh?
Well, actually, I thought I'd just try and shoot some film today.
Yeah, that's kind of what I meant.
Yeah. I decided to work without a script.
You know, just shoot some random scenes from daily Cicelian life...
and see if, well, form wouldn't dictate content.
Well, good. Sounds like the well is full again.
Oh, I am definitely inspired, Dr. Fleischman.
It's this ring.
The ring?
Yeah.
You know, you always think a fish is a fish.
You never stop to think about whose mouth it's been in...
or whose hand it's been in.
I'm sorry. Come again?
See right there? "F. F '."
"F. F '."
Federico Fellini.
Federico Fellini, the movie director?
"Con amore, Giulietta. " That was his wife, Giulietta.
Where'd you get this? A fish ate it.
A fish? Yep. And then I ate the fish.
The squid eats plankton, the branzini eats the squid...
on down the Adriatic...
through the Straits of Magellan.
Ed, are you hallucinating?
Oh, yeah, but not right now.
Well, I'll see you fellas later.
Uh-oh.
What? I'm missing Article 3.
Appointment of Fiduciaries. Oh.
Could you look for that? Okay.
Let's see.
Disposition of Tangible Property.
Residue of Estate. Oh, here we go. Bingo.
Here we go.
Good. Okay.
Now, I want to double-check the specific bequests.
See how this sounds.
"I give and bequeath my George lll silver collection...
"including sauce boat, mustard pot, and snuff bowl to Yung Yong Ja...
"who is the mother of Duk Won, provided she survives me. "
Wait a sec. What?
Weren't there a pair of sugar nips?
Oh, God, you're right. Sugar nips. Good. Good catch.
Oh! You gotta get a load of this.
What's that? Look at this.
"In appreciation of his faithful service...
"I give and bequeath my silver inlaid Luftwaffe commemorative Luger...
"to Ed Chigliak.
"I give and bequeath my uniforms...
"including A-2 leather flight jacket...
"with color representation of the Korean Peninsula and the inscription...
"'Give 'Em Hell' to the Smithsonian Institution.
"I give and bequeath my 19th century kingwood vitrine...
"an extremely rare and valuable piece, to Miss Shelly Tambo...
"as a token of my deep and abiding affection for her. "
Oh, boy. I didn't...
I didn't mean... Maggie.
It was just, really... It was just...
You were just... And I was just...
I never... I've never meant to... No. I know.
I mean, I'm... You know, I'm in here in this bubble, but...
Yes.
That's the reality of my life, you know, this... Of course.
This one wall. Hey, hey, you don't have to.
I mean, I know that.
It's not that I don't think that - Of course not.
I mean, you're really- You, too. Really.
You know, it was just that your head and my head... And it was purely...
Maggie. What?
Oh, God, you know, how could I...
Sorry.
Wait. Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
I have a whole other life. You know, a career, a business.
I'm a pilot. I have people to fly. Really, it's...
Oh, and the will. I know you need a witness for the signing.
I'll send somebody, okay?
Please don't. Bye.
How do I change my executor?
Hmm?
My executor.
If I want to change my executor, how do I do that?
It's no problem. It's a simple amendment. Any attorney can do it.
I don't like this.
Is there some kind of mistake?
No, no, there's no mistake. It's the... The work's fine.
It's exactly like we talked about it.
Mike, we've opened Pandora's box here.
Duk Won is still young enough to have more children...
and Bong, he's right on the cusp of procreation, if he hasn't started already.
There's just too much here to...
I'll be in here every six months.
Yoo-hoo!
Oh, Ruth-Anne.
I'm not wearing any makeup, Mike...
and my clothes are 100% cotton.
That's much appreciated. Thank you.
Where the hell's Maggie?
How should I know, Maurice?
She flew into the store, and told me you needed a witness...
told me the time and place, and flew out again.
Terrific.
I don't know what's gotten into that girl.
All of a sudden she's a vegetarian.
A vegetarian? Yeah.
Wearing a dress and spouting off about cow flatulence.
That's methane gas.
She was wearing a dress?
Yeah.
She was also cooking some kind of seaweed something-or-other. I don't know what it was.
And she cooked?
She cooked all morning. Kelp loaf, banana bread.
Well, she did make fudge one time.
That's true. Well, let's put this thing to bed.
Come on, chop-chop. Let's get it done before I change my mind.
I hope Duk Won appreciates this.
Hi, Bob.
I don't wanna argue.
I have to go.
Please.
You talked. You did. I heard you. You talked.
I love you.
Please.
I'm sorry.
Who gets the pastrami?
Enjoy.
Whoa. Ed?
Hello, Shelly.
I'll have a glass of red wine, please.
You want wine? Red wine?
Chianti, if you have it.
You don't drink, Ed.
Are you sure? Uh-huh.
Grape juice, then, please.
Mmm-hmm.
Ed. New look?
Huh?
I like it. I like the hat. I like the 'do.
The jacket, I don't know. I mean, it's been six years, man.
I've never seen you without that leather jacket.
Ed?
Chris, I'm changing.
Changing?
Chris, do you believe that objects can...
They can control your life?
What do you mean? Can they, like, have power? You know? Healing? Curses? Like that?
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Ed, the Holy Grail.
Excalibur.
And my uncle, Roy Bower, he had this lucky hunting cap...
he swore made him invisible to the white-tailed deer.
Is that what you had in mind?
I mean more like Donovan's Brain.
It's this movie, Chris.
This well-meaning scientist...
preserves the brain of a sociopath in this really big jar.
Slowly but surely, that brain begins to take over the mind of the scientist...
until he is Donovan.
Cool.
Grape juice, rocks, with a twist.
Mmm.
Uno más? Please.
Hi.
Busy?
Don't suppose you want to talk about it.
Why don't you talk?
I'm not good with words.
Words are a heavy thing.
Like rocks.
They weigh you down.
If birds talked, they couldn't fly.
Eduardo, why all this agita?
Why so upset? I've lost my vision.
I don't understand what you say. Vision?
I'm not Fellini.
What's the big deal? The big deal?
I'm stealing his imagery.
Eduardo, when you gonna get smartened up, huh?
I tell you, you gonna make a big movie.
You gonna be famous. You gonna be rich.
And you gonna see a lot of pretty girls, like, you know what I mean?
Are you telling me to sell my soul?
Wait a minute. Are you? I mean, you couldn't be...
You're not...
I mean, you...
What's that?
Now you did it.
What did I do?
Take my advice. Scrambolini.
Spreaders. Now, I found no congenital deformities in your larynx.
No paralysis, no scarring, no inflammation, no polyps.
Throat culture was negative. I mean, there's nothing to biopsy.
No growths, no thickening...
no indication of laryngemphraxis.
Turn, please.
And basically, your vocal chords are clear.
Scissors, please.
Now, you indicated that your lack of speech...
was not precipitated by anything emotionally traumatic?
Gravity?
Yes, well, I'm not trying to trivialize Mr. Bellati's affliction.
But, some good news, Mr. Bellati...
I may have gotten to the root of your aphonia.
We call it morbus sine causa corporea...
which, in layman's terms, basically means nothing.
You see, there's nothing wrong with you, biologically.
But I'll tell you what might do it.
A shock to the system, to, you know, snap you out of it. You know?
Like a "boo. " Not just a "boo," but like a really big "boo. "
Case history: There was a 47-year-old woman in Syracuse...
she's blind since birth. Falls out of an airplane.
Splat?
You would think, but actually, she survived.
It was the fall, or the impact, the air pressure.
Something restored this woman's sight.
And that's what you need. Something big. Boo. Something like that.
Exactly. There. Easy. Easy.
Here.
Well, I guess now you'll be able to take wing again.
Right.
Hi. Hi.
Come on in.
What a nice surprise.
I brought you some grated carrots.
Oh, thanks.
Mmm.
Listen, can I get you something? I just pressed some cranberry juice.
No. No.
Papaya? Cantaloupe? No, no, no.
I'm so glad to see you.
Listen, we have to talk. Okay?
Okay.
I just wanted to make something clear.
Despite whatever impression you may have gotten...
I'm not looking for any sort of relationship.
Oh.
You know? Because my life is great.
I'm personally and professionally fulfilled.
I mean, I have no need...
no desire for any sort of entanglement.
I understand.
You do?
Because, you know, I love being single and solitary...
and unencumbered, and I intend to stay that way.
Sure.
But that doesn't mean on some purely platonic level you and I can't be...
well...
Friends?
Friends.
Yeah, that's what I'd like for us to be.
Friends.
You want to go for a walk? A walk?
Yeah. You and me. Outside.
But- No buts.
Just you and me and the outside world.
No suit? No suit.
Are you feeling okay?
I'm feeling better than okay. I'm feeling good.
The air is clean today.
Infinitesimal levels of methane, PCBs.
You know, I didn't sense any fluorocarbons at all.
Huh.
Come on. Let's do it.
Where you headed?
Majorca?
Yeah, good spear fishing.
Goodbye, Bob. Bye, Fritz.
Bye, Bernie. Take care.
Hardware store's hitting the road, huh?
Uh-huh.
Hasn't been too bad having a few new nuts and bolts...
rattling around this town.
What about Bellati?
He flew.
Rocks? Bob says goodbye.
And so we bid a fond farewell...
to Enrico Bellati and his friends.
We owe them all a great debt of thanks.
I know I, for one, will never again look at...
a mailing tube or a roll of TP in the same inanimate light.
Isn't that the point of this merry-go-round...
to throw out all those stale assumptions?
Keep shopping for a fresh-baked perspective?
"Such is love that comes and goes.
"Joy and sadness, it's always that way. "
You okay? I'm fine.
Let's not go too far.
Look. A curlew.
Look, the plumage hasn't turned yet.
Yeah.
What?
Is there a problem? Mold?
Fluorocarbons?
No. No?
The air is clean. It's sweet. Smell it.
This is as good as it gets.